You Look Like Hell, and I Should Know
by starlight.moon.princess
Summary: There's a lot more to being the King of Hell than Crowley expected, and frankly, he's annoyed now. :: crowley centric, crack-ish, post-season five ::


There was a saying in the deep, dark places of the world: The good go to Heaven. The fun go to Hell.

Sure, it sounded odd, but it was true. The people who lived the kind of lives required to gain admittance into Heaven were usually the ones who hadn't done much with the time they'd been given on earth. The ones who had spent every minute wisely, on the other hand – well, it was rare for them to have done so without screwing over someone and crossing some line that God had dictated.

Which, in the end, was why Crowley liked Hell. He knew that it wasn't a position that those fool Winchesters or their pet angel would be able to understand, but it was true. You always met the most interesting people in the pit at the bottom of the earth, like Alexander McQueen. The man had made some of the most fabulous clothing while he'd been alive, but he'd unfortunately decided to kill himself.

So. Hell for him it was.

Had they known just how interesting the place could be, he doubted even the Winchesters would wonder why he wanted control of it. Well, Dean probably would – but then, that was understandable, considering his experiences in the place.

It didn't matter in the end. With Lucifer gone and Lilith dead, Crowley was in charge of Hell, and he wasn't about to give it up any time soon.

It was just that – well, he'd expected being King of Hell to come with a host of new powers, which, to be fair, it had. But the problem was the _other_ things that had come along with it.

After a long, _long_ spell without a ruler – after all, Lucifer had been imprisoned in the Pit for a rather substantial period of time, and it wasn't like Azazel or Lilith were particularly good at keeping any semblance of order in the place – the denizens of Hell were rather taken with the idea. It was always nice to know you had a back-up plan, after all. Demons might not trust- well, _anyone_, but as long as they gave them their loyalty, they knew he'd try and help them as much as he could.

Which basically meant that almost all of them gave him their loyalty.

It was just that that loyalty came with a host of unexpected issues. Like the fact that they wanted him to be an _involved_ ruler – to help them out when they were busy fighting over their paltry little territories and rather boring human souls.

Honestly, he'd wanted to be King of Hell for the power. The prestige, the glamour! He had never wanted to be a glorified babysitter!

It was rather astounding just how utterly _petty_ demons who were more than a thousand years old could be. Honestly, a person would have thought so long in Hell would have taught them better – they would have been wrong.

He had plans of his own, and none of them included being stuck in Hell for the rest of the millennium, mediating squabbles and the like. Being grovelled to was nice – but not when it came with enough baggage to make him wish Lilith was back in charge.

"Sire." Lillian's voice pulled him out of his brooding, and he braced himself, wondering what had gone wrong now. He'd only just sent two squabbling yellow-eyed demons away what seemed like a few minutes ago – even in Hell, he couldn't be so unlucky.

"What?" he asked. He knew he was being harsh – that was obvious from her flinch – but he didn't care. He just wanted to be left _alone_ for a long enough period of time that he was able to go visit Earth and have some _fun_ again. He'd even settle for those denim-wrapped nightmares – just as long as he had some time off.

"There's an angel here to see you," she said hesitantly. "I think – they're saying it's the same one that pulled that Winchester away from Alistair."

Scratch that. It seemed like being King of Hell had its upsides after all. Clarence here to see him – well, it looked like his wish had been answered.

"Why don't you do something for me? Send him in."

Maybe shocking her so badly hadn't been quite needed, but, well – he was King of Hell. Unnecessary-but-fun was kind of his middle name, especially now that he was feeling much better about everything.

Whatever was going on that angel-boy needed to him for – well, there was one thing it promised for sure. If nothing else, this- was going to be _interesting_.

* * *

**an: Crowley's an interesting character, and I enjoyed playing with him here :)  
I hope you guys liked it! As always, please don't forget to drop off a review on your way out :)  
**


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